You're so nebulous sometimes
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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