I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
