I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
