I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize