I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Randomize
