I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize