if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
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