I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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