Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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