I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
