you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
