Have you finally orgasmed yet?
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
