I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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