I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
