hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
