I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
dude. I can hear the air.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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