hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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