I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
