I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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