apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
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Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
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My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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