I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
What did we do last night that was yellow?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
