How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
