My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
