You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
