I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
