found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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