I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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