im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
