we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize