I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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