What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
