I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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