And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
