my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
