Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
