booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
