Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I need to calm my uterus...
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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