So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
and you said cock pushups were impossible
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
