So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
