just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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