So drunk its hurt
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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