1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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