I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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