Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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