You can't motorboat a personality
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
