living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
porn star boner night. come get it.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
