oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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