I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
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