he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
