Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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