Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
God, I missed his penis.
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