he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
