Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
