she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
