Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
