You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
