my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
