did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
3 2 1 whiskey
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
