Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
