Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
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