How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Another day, another engagement, another cat
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
